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These are typical questions that many other students your age ask. It is normal to have these questions, and it is important that you get information that contains correct facts. We encourage you to think about your values, for the "right" answer is one that also fits with your beliefs. Talking to a parent or a trusted adult can often be very helpful.

Please click on any of the following question topics to see related questions:

• Relationships
• Menstruation
   
• Sexual Response
   
• Intercourse
• Questions About Birth Control
   
• Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI)
   
• Sexual Orientation
• Violence
   
• Cancer
   
• Pregnancy/ Abortion

Relationships

1. My boyfriend and I keep fighting, but I still love him. What should I do?
It is natural for incompatibilities and differences to become known as people become closer and learn more about one another. This is why for some couples conflict increases as the relationship grows deeper. Conflict sometimes leads to disagreements or 'fights' which are not always bad. In fact, they can actually be constructive. If you are both committed to the relationship, your differences can be worked out. If you are not committed, or find your relationship is more negative than positive it may be time to re-examine your relationship. If the relationship is physically or emotionally abusive, get out immediately.²³ It is often helpful to discuss relationship issues with your parents, a trusted adult or counsellor.

2. What do you think about age gaps in relationships, like if a girl is 16 and the guy is 23? Is he wrong or right to be involved?
This question relates to personal values and may vary from individual to individual. It is important to examine the relationship to determine if it is healthy. Keep in mind that any healthy relationship, regardless of age, has the following qualities: respect; trust; honesty; fairness; equality; and good communication.²⁴ Often, when a large age gap exists between partners when one person is a teen, the necessary components of a healthy relationship such as equality can be missing. More sexual pressure may also be present in these types of relationships.

3. What do you do when your partner asks you to do something which you are not familiar with (including sex), and you are not sure how to do it? What should you say or do?
First it is important for you to look at your personal values and decide what's best for you based upon them. If your partner is asking you to do something that does not coincide with your values, you have the right to say 'no'.²⁵ Sexually healthy relationships are respectful, honest, fair, and responsible. This means that partners will not pressure one another to compromise their values. As well, communication about thoughts and feelings are open and honest. Finally, when a relationship is healthy, both people decide how they will take responsibility for the relationship and for the outcomes of the sexual decisions they make.²⁶ If you are having a difficult time deciding whether you want to have sex or not, talk to an adult you trust.

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Menstruation

1. By using tampons, do you break your cherry?
Cherry is a slang word for the hymen,⁴⁹ therefore breaking the cherry is slang for breaking the hymen. The hymen is a thin layer of tissue that covers the entrance into the vagina. A woman's hymen can break by doing various activities such as bicycling, horseback riding or using a tampon.⁵⁰

2. Can tampons get lost up there?
It is extremely unlikely for a tampon to get lost or stuck in the vagina. Considering that an adult woman's vagina is approximately 3 to 4 inches in length,⁵¹ and the opening of the cervix is normally about the size of a width of straw,⁵² there is not a lot of room for them to "get lost". Tampons are attached to a string a few inches in length that hangs through the vaginal opening. The tampon is easily removed by pulling gently on the string.⁵³ If a tampon were to get stuck, it is important to seek medical attention as there is a risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome.

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Sexual Response

1. Is there such a thing as a G-spot? If so, where is it?
Whether or not a G-spot (Grafenberg spot), said to be a source of extreme sexual pleasure, exists has not been conclusively supported by scientific research. The G-spot is believed to be located approximately 1 to 2 inches inside the vaginal opening. It consists of a soft mass of tissue that swells from the size of a dime to a half a dollar when stimulated.³²

2. Can you get an orgasm when breasts are stimulated?
Yes, some women can have an orgasm by breast stimulation.³³

3. Can Viagra increase a woman's libido?
No, Viagra cannot increase a woman's libido or sex drive. Viagra is prescribed to men who have erectile dysfunction,³⁴ which means a man has difficulty getting or keeping an erection.³⁵

4. If a girl has not experienced orgasm yet, and feels something is wrong with her, what should she do and should she worry?
It is important to know that the orgasmic response is not as "automatic" in women as it is in men.³⁶ Many women feel like there is something wrong with them because they do not have orgasm with intercourse. It is important to realize that for many women, intercourse does not  provide the stimulation needed for an orgasm.³⁷ Reading about sexual stimulation and becoming more comfortable with your body, can assist a woman to have orgasm.

5. What should a girl do if she has her climax before the male?
Having simultaneous orgasms isn't always possible. It is normal for one partner to reach orgasm before the other. After one partner climaxes, he/she can help the other reach orgasm.³⁸

6. Why can women come more times than men?
Men are unable to have one orgasm right after another because they enter a 'refractory period' after ejaculation, where they are physiologically unable to have another orgasm for a period of time. In other words, men need to wait after one orgasm. Women on the other hand can maintain a high level of arousal between orgasms and can therefore have orgasms timed closely together.³⁹

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Intercourse

1. What is oral sex?
Oral sex is when a person stimulates their partner's genitals with their lips, mouth and tongue.²⁸

2. What is anal sex?
Anal sex is when a partner inserts his penis or a sex toy into his or her partner's anus.²⁹

3. Can I get pregnant if I have anal intercourse?
A woman can only get pregnant from anal intercourse if any sperm get in contact with the vulva or the vagina.³⁰

4. What happens to the girl when she has sex lots? Does it damage the vagina?
Sexual intercourse might hurt the first few times for some people, but normally it should not. If sex is painful, it may be helpful to discuss possible causes and solutions with your doctor.

Having sex "lots" could mean having sex often. This will not harm the vagina. However, there are some precautions you can take that will lessen the risks of being sexually active:

a) Delaying sexual intercourse until you are older will decrease the chance of pregnancy,  sexually transmitted infections (STI), and cervical cancer.

b) Limiting yourself to one sexual partner increases the likelihood that sex will be planned, therefore decreasing the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STI.

c) Finally, protecting yourself against pregnancy and STI, which means using a condom every time, will decrease the risks of being sexually active.

Having sex "lots" could also mean having sex with many different partners. This increases a person's risk of STI, and is therefore more likely to cause damage. While some STI are entirely treatable, others can cause damage to the female reproductive system.

Damage to the vagina during sex could occur if penetration is violent or abusive. In this case, it is important to seek medical attention.

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Questions About Birth Control

1. If a girl is taking the Pill and she has sex in the morning before she takes her pill, what is the chance of her getting pregnant?
If a woman is taking the Birth Control Pill ("the Pill") perfectly, that is she does not miss any pills, takes the pill at the same time each day (within two hours), and is not sick with vomiting or diarrhoea, only 1 out of 1000 women will become pregnant.¹³ The time of day the woman has sexual intercourse will not affect the effectiveness of the Pill.

2. Is an IUD dangerous to a woman's uterus or other parts of her body?
Like all birth control methods, there are risks of side effects from having an Intrauterine Device (IUD). Some women have the following side effects from the copper type of IUD: cramps; increased bleeding (with menstruation); or spotting in between periods. Some women experience the following side effects with the hormone type of IUD: change in bleeding pattern; headache; breast tenderness; acne; weight changes; or mood changes.¹⁴ With both types of IUD, there is a small risk of the IUD puncturing or perforating through the uterus. As well, IUDs do not provide any protection against STI. If a woman contracts a STI, she will be at a greater risk of having a serious pelvic infection.¹⁵

3. What is a dental dam?
A dental dam is a small latex sheet that can be used for STI protection during oral sex.  It can be placed over a woman's vulva or partner’s anus while he or she is receiving oral sex. Using a  dental dam is a safer way of having oral sex as it may decrease the chance of STI transmission.¹⁶ You can buy dental dams at a drug store or make one by cutting a male condom lengthwise.

4. How much does the "shot" (Depo-Provera) cost?
The cost of Depo-Provera depends upon where it is purchased. If you want to get information about the cost of Depo Provera or other birth control methods, look in your phone book white pages under "Family Planning Clinic", or "Planned Parenthood", or look in the phone book yellow pages under 'pharmacies'. You can also phone your family doctor for this information.

5. How much do contraceptives cost?
The cost of contraceptives depends upon where they are purchased and the type of method you are purchasing. If you want to get information about the cost of birth control, look in your phone book white pages under "Family Planning Clinic", or "Planned Parenthood", or look in the phone book yellow pages under 'pharmacies'. You can also phone your family doctor for this information. You may find that family planning clinics provide contraception at a cost much lower (often 50% less) than that you would pay at a pharmacy.

6. Is there ever a chance of getting a sponge stuck? What if you can't take it out?
The sponge is a piece of soft foam filled with spermicides (chemicals that kill sperm). It is inserted up through the vagina, and covers the cervix helping stop sperm from entering the uterus. Considering the adult woman's vagina is flexible and only 3 to 4 inches in length¹⁷, and the opening of the cervix is normally about the size of a width of a straw¹⁸, it is very unlikely for a sponge to get stuck in the vagina. Having said that, some women may find it difficult to take the sponge out due to feelings of discomfort with touching their vaginas. If you did find the sponge difficult to remove, it is important to see a doctor right away. If a sponge is left in the vagina for too long, you are at risk for Toxic Shock Syndrome.¹⁹

7. Is there a time in your cycle when it is safer to have sex than others?
There are times in your cycle when it may be safer to have sex, but these times are very difficult to predict. It is recommended that birth control be used at all times throughout the menstrual cycle to prevent unintended pregnancy.²⁰

8. Is it true that more people are becoming allergic to latex condoms? And if so, are there any other kinds of condoms that they can use?
Yes it is true that latex allergies are increasing in our society²¹. It is estimated that 1 out of 100 people in the general population have an allergy to latex. If a person has an allergy to latex, male or female condoms made of polyurethane can be used. Polyurethane condoms can be purchased from some larger pharmacies.

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Questions About Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI)

1. I have scabs the size of quarters on my scrotum. What should I do?
Any time a man has lumps, bumps, rashes, or lesions on his testicles or penis, it is a good idea for him to get checked out by a doctor.

2. Can you get an STI if you have oral sex only?
Yes, you can get an STI from having oral sex. Some STI that can be transmitted by oral sex are: genital herpes¹; gonorrhea²; HIV/ AIDS³; and syphilis⁴. When a man receives oral sex, he can wear a condom to help protect himself and his partner from STI. When a woman receives oral sex, a dental dam (a small latex sheet placed over the vulva) can be used to help protect herself and her partner from STI.⁵

3. Can you only get sexual diseases by sexual contact?
Sexually transmitted Infections (STI) can be spread in the following ways:

STI can be spread through oral, anal and vaginal sex.⁶

• Some STI such as herpes and genital warts can be spread by having direct skin contact with sores, blisters⁷ or bumps ⁸  or even when the skin looks normal and healthy  but the person happens to be infectious.

• Some STI such as Hepatitis B and HIV, the virus causing AIDS, can be spread by having contact with infected blood (e.g. through sharing infected needles).

• Some STI can be spread from infected women to their babies during childbirth.⁹

• Some STI such as scabies¹⁰, pubic lice, or crabs¹¹ can be spread by sharing clothes, bedding, soap or towels with an infected person.

4. Can a Pap test detect gonorrhea or other STI?
A Pap test (Pap smear) is when a doctor takes some cells from your cervix to test for cancer cells. A Pap test does not test for STI. To test for STI, a doctor must take a sample of your vaginal mucous with a swab.¹²

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Sexual Orientation

1. I think I might be gay. What should I do?
It is normal for people to question their sexuality. If you think you might be gay but are unsure, you might find it helpful to talk to somebody about your feelings. Consider talking to your parents, a counsellor at school, a clergy person, a teacher or someone at a gay or youth community center. It might also be helpful to read books or magazines that deal with gay issues. Doing these things may help you feel supported, less alone, and sure about your feelings.³¹

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Violence

1. Is stalking a sign of abuse?
Stalking is an abnormal or long-term pattern of threat or harassment that is directed repeatedly toward a specific individual, is experienced as unwelcome, intrusive, and is reported to trigger fear or concern. Examples of stalking include following, loitering nearby, maintaining surveillance, and sending unwanted gifts or messages.

Yes, stalking can be a sign of abuse. Abuse can take form in a number of different ways such as physical, sexual, economic, emotional and psychological.⁴⁵ Abuse in a relationship involves one person who is over-controlling of the other person. A healthy relationship is mutually respectful, supportive and safe. If you are feeling threatened or in endangered in any way, it is important to trust your instincts and get help; speak with an adult you trust such as your school constable, a parent, a teacher or a counsellor.

2. Does a girl only bleed when she is forced to have sex, or any time?
A woman might bleed when she has sexual intercourse for the following reasons:

A woman may bleed the first time she has sexual intercourse if her hymen is not yet broken. (The hymen is a piece of tissue that covers the entrance into the vagina.)⁴⁶

A woman might bleed if she has a sexually transmitted infection. If she is worried that she may have a STI she should see her health care provider.⁴⁷

A woman might bleed if she has cancer of the cervix or uterus.⁴⁸

If a woman is has been forced to have sex, it is important she gets help immediately.

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Cancer

1. What are some of the symptoms of cervical cancer?
Often times there are no obvious signs of cervical cancer that can be detected by the woman herself. Sometimes there is bleeding between menstrual periods, bleeding after sexual intercourse and bleeding after menopause. (Note: There are many conditions, besides cancer, that may cause these types of bleeding. Unusual vaginal bleeding should be reported to a doctor so that a correct diagnosis can be made.) A pap test is a simple test performed by a doctor to detect changes in the cells of the cervix. Often times, suspicious changes in the cells of the cervix can be detected and treated before cancer actually develops. (Note: Cervical cell changes are quite common and don't necessarily indicate cancer).⁵⁴ Females who have had sex should have a yearly pap test.

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Pregnancy/ Abortion

1. Do you think abortion can affect your emotions for the rest of your life?
The decision to have an abortion is made because a woman feels that at that time in her life, it is the right thing to do. At another time in her life, decisions may be different. Some women feel sad or emotional for a few days or weeks after an abortion, but in general they feel relief.⁴⁰ Serious, long-term emotional problems are uncommon after abortion. Emotional problems are more likely if: abortion is against the person’s religious or moral beliefs, the pregnancy was wanted but the health of the woman or fetus were at risk; having an abortion was related to disturbing life events or serious relationship problems; or a woman already has emotional problems.⁴¹ If someone is experiencing severe negative emotions as a result of an abortion, it is important to seek counselling to deal with these emotions.


3. If a woman thinks she is pregnant but doesn't know, and doesn't want to quit the pill, what side effects could take place if she doesn't stop taking it?
If a woman thinks she is pregnant, it is important that she have a pregnancy test completed. There is no research to show that taking birth control pills during the early weeks of pregnancy causes any harm to the baby.⁴³

4. Why do ladies get stretch marks after they have a baby?
A woman's weight gain and growing uterus cause the underlying connective tissue of the skin to stretch in the second and third trimesters. Stretch marks usually appear in the skin covering the abdomen, breasts, thighs and buttocks. After labor and delivery they usually grow lighter.⁴⁴

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¹ Calgary Health Region. (2002). Your health: Genital herpes (the basics) [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/genherpbasic.htm

² Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: Gonorrhea [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/gonorrh.htm

³ Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: HIV / AIDS [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/hivaidshc.htm

⁴ Calgary Health Region. (2002). Your health: Syphilis [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/syph.htm

⁵ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worldwide, Inc.

⁶ (2000). The Merck manual of medical conditions- Home edition Section 17. Infections Chapter 189 Sexually Transmitted Diseases. [On-line]. Available: http://www.merck.com/pubs/mmanual_home/sec17/189.htm

⁷ Calgary Health Region. (2002). Your health: Genital herpes (the basics) [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/syph.htm

⁸ CaLGARY Health Region (2002). Your health: Genital warts [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/genwarts.htm

⁹ Health Canada. (1998). What you need to know about STD: Sexually transmitted diseases [On-line]. Available: http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hpb/lcdc/publicat/stdmts/index.html

¹⁰ Calgary Health Region (2002). Your health: Scabies [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/scabies.htm

¹¹ Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: Pubic lice and scabies [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/pubiclice.htm

¹² Capital Health & Alberta Health. (Undated). Your first pelvic exam [Brochure].

¹³ Hatcher, R.A., Trussell, J., Stewart, F., Cates, W., Stewart, G.K., Guest, F., & Kowal, D. (1998). Contraceptive technology (17th ed.). New York: Ardent Media, Inc.

¹⁴ Calgary Health Region. (2002). Intrauterine Device (IUD) [Brochure].

¹⁵ Calgary Health Region. (2000). Your health: The IUD (Intra-uterine Device) [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/iud.htm

¹⁶ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

¹⁷ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

¹⁸ Rathus, S.A., Nevid, J.S. & Fiechner-Rathus, L. (1997). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (3rd ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

¹⁹ Calgary Health Region. (2002). The sponge- Protectaid (Brochure].

²⁰ Hatcher, R.A., Trussell, J., Stewart, F., Cates, W., Stewart, G.K., Guest, F., & Kowal, D. (1998). Contraceptive technology (17th ed.). New York: Ardent Media, Inc.

²¹ Youngkin, E.Q. & Davis, M.S. (1998). Woman’s health: A primary care clinical guide(2nd ed.). Stamford: Appleton & Lange.

²² Hatcher, R.A., Trussell, J., Stewart, F., Cates, W., Stewart, G.K., Guest, F., & Kowal, D. (1998). Contraceptive technology (17th ed.). New York: Ardent Media, Inc.

²³ Kramer, P. (1994). The dynamics of relationships: A guide for developing self-esteem and coping skills for teens and young adults. Silver Spring: Equal Partners.

²⁴ Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc. (2000). Is this love? How to tell if your relationship is good for you [On-line]. Available: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teens/isthislove2.html

²⁵ Kramer, P. (1994). The dynamics of relationships: A guide for developing self-esteem and coping skills for teens and young adults. Silver Spring: Equal Partners.

²⁶ Panned Parenthood. (Undated). Healthy and unhealthy relationships [On-line]. Available: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/TEENISSUES/RELATIONSHIPISSUES/healthyunhealthy.htm

²⁷ Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc. (2000). Is this love? How to tell if your relationship is good for you [On-line]. Available: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teens/isthislove2.html

²⁸ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

²⁹ Goldenson, R.M. & Anderson, K.N. (1986). The language of sex from A to Z. New York: World Almanac.

³⁰ Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc. (1999). Teens: The facts of life: A guide for teens and their families [On-line]. Available: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teens/teentalk1.html

³¹ Health Canada. (2000). Gender and sexual identity: The journey begins (2nd ed.) [Brochure].

³² Rathus, S.A., Nevid, J.S. & Fiechner-Rathus, L. (1997). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (3rd ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

³³ Rathus, S.A., Nevid, J.S. & Fiechner-Rathus, L. (1997). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (3rd ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

³⁴ Canadian Pharmacists Association. (2001). CPS: Compendium of pharmaceuticals and specialties (36th ed.).

³⁵ Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: Male impotence [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/impot.htm

³⁶ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

³⁷ Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: Female sexual response [On-line]. Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/femsex.htm

³⁸ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

³⁹ Rathus, S.A., Nevid, J.S. & Fichner-Rathus, L. (2000). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (4th ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

⁴⁰ Childbirth by Choice Trust (n.d.). Information for teens about abortion. [Brochure].

⁴¹ Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc. (1999). Choosing abortion- Questions and answers [On-line]. Available: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/ABORTION/chooseabort1.html

⁴² Childbirth by Choice Trust (n.d.). Information for teens about abortion. [Brochure].

⁴³ Hatcher, R.A., Trussell, J., Stewart, F., Cates, W., Stewart, G.K., Guest, F., & Kowal, D. (1998). Contraceptive technology (17th ed.). New York: Ardent Media, Inc.

⁴⁴ Cohen, S.M., Kenner, C.A. & Hollingsworth, A.O. (1991). Maternal, neonatal, and women’s health nursing. Springhouse: Springhouse Corporation.

⁴⁵ Calgary Health Region. (2000). Your health: Partner abuse (On-line). Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/abuse.htm

⁴⁶ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

⁴⁷ Health Canada. (1998). What you need to know about STD: Sexually transmitted diseases [On-line]. Available: http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hpb/lcdc/publicat/stdmts/index.html

⁴⁸ Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: Cancer of the cervix and uterus (On-line). Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/uteru-ca.htm

⁴⁹ Goldenson, R.M. & Anderson, K.N. (1986). The language of sex from A to Z. New York: World Almanac.

⁵⁰ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

⁵¹ Westheimer, R.K. (1995). Sex for dummies. Chicago: IDG books Worlwide, Inc.

⁵² Rathus, S.A., Nevid, J.S. & Fichner-Rathus, L. (2000). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (4th ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

⁵³ Alberta Health and Wellness. (2000). Growing up ok! [Brochure].

⁵⁴ Calgary Health Region. (2001). Your health: Cancer of the cervix and uterus (On-line). Available: http://www.crha-health.ab.ca/hlthconn/items/uteru-ca.htm