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Page last updated on:
April 21, 2010
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Please pick that information the best suits
your needs:
discussing sexuality
with you child
discussing sexuality with
your teen
what they need to
know
Discussing Sexuality with your Child
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Answer questions at the time your
child asks, don't put them off.
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Listen carefully to the question to
make sure you understand what she/he is
asking.
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Use "teachable" moments to open
discussion with a child who does not ask
questions e.g., commenting on the
pregnancy of a friend or a relative may
be a good introduction to the topic of
pregnancy and how a baby grows in the
uterus. Television programs, newspaper
articles or books are other vehicles
that can assist in initiating a
discussion.
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Don't try to cover everything at
once, but also don't worry if you think
you have said "too much". Your child
will sift the information, or let it
pass - perhaps catching a phrase here or
there to ask you about later.
-
Keep the language simple and age
appropriate e.g., a three year old may
be satisfied with "babies grow in a
special place inside the mother's body -
called a uterus". A six year old will
likely have more questions about how the
baby grows, and may want to know how it
will come out.
-
Use correct terms. It is confusing
to children to have cute names for some
body parts and not others.
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Check out what they already know.
Older children in school will inevitably
hear comments or words that they don't
understand. Show your willingness to
discuss these by asking what they can
tell you about a particular sexual
topic. This encourages communication and
also you may correct any misinformation
that they have.
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Let your children know what you
think, and what standards of behaviour
are all right in your house. It is also
important to let them know what is
socially appropriate/inappropriate, and
what to do if they have difficulties or
questions. As children mature it is also
important to help them understand that
other people's standards may be
different from theirs.
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Don't be afraid to say 'I don't
know' or to let your child know that
you're embarrassed. You can say "I feel
a little uncomfortable, but this is
important to talk about - let's find out
some answers together."
Discussing Sexuality With Your Teen
As A Parent, What Can You Do?
Providing an atmosphere where open, honest
and two-way communication can take place is
a major way parents can assist their
children in avoiding problems with drugs,
alcohol, sexual decisions and peer
relationships.
To open and maintain the lines of
communication between you and your teen we
suggest the following:
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Remember that your children care
about what you say and do, even though
it may
not seem like it at times.
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Work hard at talking with your
teen, not at them.
-
Demonstrate responsible,
health-conscious decisions with your own
use of alcohol
and other drugs.
-
Discuss and help interpret issues
as they arise in TV shows, ads, music,
the news,
and in the community. Help confirm what
is meaningful, realistic, and important
to
the sense of values you show.
-
Encourage your teens to express
thoughts and views. The open exchange of
ideas is a way of clarifying the values
we hold.
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Do a variety of things with your
teens. Stay involved in their lives.
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Encourage your children to be
actively involved in determining their
lives, not
passive spectators.
-
Avoid acting as if you have learned
all there is to know. Be an active
learner yourself.
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Help your teens learn from both
good and bad experiences.
-
Remember that teenagers still view
family members and parents as their
prime
role models.
-
Remember that almost all parents
agree that the way they manage and model
their
own behaviour will have a big effect on
their children.
Adapted from AADAC Community Education
Services,
What They
Need to Know
Children in Grades 1 to 3 (The Bathroom
Humour Types) Need to Know:
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the names for genitals, penis, testicles,
scrotum, anus, vulva, labia, vagina,
clitoris, uterus, ovaries
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the scientific words: urine, stool, bladder,
urethra (tube draining the bladder)
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that reproduction happens when a man's sperm
joins a woman's ovum by sexual
intercourse
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that a baby grows in the uterus and is born
through the vagina
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the difference between the digestive and
reproductive systems
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everything about menstrual periods and nocturnal
emissions as clean and healthy processes
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basic information about body changes at puberty
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not to pick up used condoms
At this age children often think that girls
have one opening for "poop and pee", and
that what girls eat goes into the same place
as the baby grows. They need to know that
menstruation is the time when a girl's body
begins to grow and practice for being
grown-up. You might explain the "facts of
life" something like this: The uterus
practices too by making a kind of "water
bed" inside itself for the baby. The bed is
made of water, soft skin, and a little bit
of blood. Each month, when there isn't a
baby, the uterus changes the bed and the old
one comes dripping out of the vagina.
Nocturnal emissions happen when boys are 8-9
years old or older, and their testicles
begin to make sperm for practice. Some
nights, when boys are fast asleep, the extra
sperm come out of their penis. Only a
spoonful of milky-white fluid is let out and
often looks like a small wet spot on their
pajamas. Menstruation and nocturnal
emissions are private, of course, but not a
secret.
Children in Grades 4 to 7 (The Gross-Me-Outers)
Need to Know:
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all of the previous information, plus
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all about body changes at puberty
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basic information about STIs and pregnancy
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how to question and critique the distorted,
popular, commercialized views of the
perfect body
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how to talk about the ways that sexuality is
portrayed falsely in the media through
television, movies, magazines, music
videos and even some computer games
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how sexuality is exaggerated in pornography and
the participants are exploited
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that a teenager does not have to be sexually
active
This may be your last chance to talk! At
this age they still have a million questions
in their minds that they won't ask aloud.
They may have questions about gay/lesbian
relationships. You can watch television or
movies together and use opportunities when
they present themselves to discuss the way
that sexuality is presented. Talk "at" them.
Car rides present great opportunities. Leave
literature around. Talk about "body science"
rather than sex.
Adolescents in Grades 7 to 12 (The People
Who Don't Know What They Don't Know) Should
Have:
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all of the above information, plus:
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information about the correct use of
contraceptives, and their potential
failure
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information about emergency contraception
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detailed information about STIs and safer sex
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knowledge about the connection between alcohol,
drugs and adolescent decision-making and
sexual activity
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the difference between healthy and unhealthy
relationships
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practice with negotiation skills, refusal skills,
relationship skills like how to break
out of a relationship
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information about what to expect when they visit
a doctor.
Source: Hickling, M. (1996). More Speaking
of Sex. Northstone Publishing: Kelowna, BC.
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